A Place to Unload

Since I have like 3 followers, I figure this is a safe place to share a bit.  We are not sharing with anyone other than family and close friends (no extended family, FB, acquaintances, etc) but we are excitedly expecting at the end of August!  And I kind of want a place to dump my thoughts.
What am I worried about this time?
I feel like this is what it has come to.  What is my current worry?  With Miss K, it was everything.  My own shadow.  I couldn’t breathe without worrying that I would miscarry, she would have some life-threatening illness or disease, I would go into preterm labor, she would die in utero…  And that pretty much started from the day I found out I was pregnant.  This time has been better so far.  I mean, I only found out four days ago, but hey…progress is progress!  I’m determined to enjoy it this time.  The beginning is so hard.  Miscarriage is so “common” (I hate that word in relation to miscarriage), you can’t feel movement, you aren’t showing, etc.  And I’m a chronic TP checker.  The smallest sign of anything other than nothing will freak me out, I know it will!  I want my body to just do its job and produce a healthy baby so I can be done.  I have a dear friend who describes my (and her) feelings on pregnancy perfectly – “I don’t trust the process.”  I don’t trust the process, my body, or the way things are “supposed” to work.  I have no reason to believe I will miscarry, but the reality is that I have had the “unlikely” thing happen before.  Life or God or Mother Nature has proven to me that I’m no exception.  And since I’ve had that lighting strike once, statistically, it shouldn’t happen again, right?  Not necessarily.  I know plenty of women who have had more than one loss, in more than one way.  But someone recently said, “Screw statistics.  Look at Michelle Duggar.  19 blessings and 2 miscarriages out of 20 pregnancies.”  Very good point.  It IS possible for this little baby growing inside me to be born in August, happy and healthy.  And right now, I’m choosing to believe that.

4 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    CynthiaS said,

    I have wondered how a second after loss would feel. I'm sooo excited for you and hoping and praying for the best!

  2. 2

    Mandy said,

    Congratulations! Take it one step at a time. My hubby always reminded me that worrying will not change any outcomes. All we can do as expectant mothers is take good care of ourselves and try the best we can to provide a healthy environment for baby to grow in. (Taking lots of deep breaths helps too) 🙂

  3. 3

    mackalvee said,

    Holy Crap! I’m so excited for you!!!!!!! Seriously. I was sitting on my couch in my apartment and went, “Holy crap! She’s pregnant!” AAAHHHH! So excited for you!

  4. 4

    Tisha said,

    I am so happy for you guys! Congrats lady!! I wish I could have gotten to the internet sooner!

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