Archive for June, 2012

Where I Am – 6.13.12

Since I started this blog to keep track of all the crazy things going on in my head, I think it’s past time to update about where I am post-infant-loss, post-miscarriage, post-prescribed-meds. The miscarriage has brought up a lot of doubt in myself that I had successfully hidden overcome in the last 3 years. Had the miscarriage been my first loss, I believe it would have had a different impact. Because I carried to term a child I knew would not live long after birth, IF born alive, this seemed pale in comparison. Loss shouldn’t be compared. I’ll be the first to preach that. But they are both MINE so I do what I want! A person shouldn’t compare others’ loss. If someone dismissed my miscarriage because losing my son was so different, I’d be pissed. Just as if someone dismissed my full term loss because a) I knew he wouldn’t be coming home from the hospital with me or b) he was “just” a baby. Losing my child was devastating, but losing a pregnancy came with it’s own set of burdens. I am much more angry than I’m comfortable with. Running has helped tremendously. When I want to beat the hell out of someone, I know my run is not far away. It keeps me even. Emotionally level. I started running at the beginning of February and have been hitting the pavement (or the treadmill belt…gag) at least 3x per week since. Some days, I can’t wait to get K fed and dressed so I can get to it. Other days, like Monday, I put it off until NOON! I like…no…I LOOOOOVE my daily shower. It’s the time that I get alone (no dogs, no husband, no baby, no phone) and I don’t miss it for anything. I reward myself with a shower after my run. I am not allowed to take that shower until after my run on Mon/Wed/Fri. There have been a few exceptions, like if I want to wait until the hubs gets home so that I can run outside alone. Otherwise, I’m a slave-driver…er…to myself. Having my Dr. put me on an anti-depressant (for anxiety) helped my level of motivation, which had previously been at about a 1. And that came from preventing the “what did you do all day” looks from the hubs when he got home from work. Not that he ever said that, but I would totally be thinking it if I were him. Our relationship just runs smoother, like it used to, when I’m on this stuff. But then I talked to my Dr. about having more kids. We want one more living child. That’s it. I don’t want to be pregnant anymore than he wants to put up with my crazy, neurotic, pregnant self. But we have the same main goal in mind and that is two living children. In 10 years, I see two kids. Do I ever think I’ll want to be pregnant again or have a newborn? Not a chance. I can honestly say that it was awful. I was stressed to the MAX and, some days, am surprised our marriage survived it. At the end of the day, each of us are too stubborn to give up. We have made it 8 years (together, married for 6.5), through the loss of a child, raising a baby alone (he had started the new job, working long hours, etc) and a miscarriage. It’s been a journey! But we’ve had some pretty amazing ups to counter the downs. We are in this together and we’ll do what it takes to get what we want. Even if it means turning our lives upside down again.

We have decided to try [again] for another baby. I stopped taking the crazy pills last week and have been taking prenatal vitamins for about 2 months. My OB wants me on NOTHING while pregnant. She says there is no “safe” medication for pregnancy, there are just some that aren’t as bad as others. Basically, the depression or anxiety has to be so bad, that being off the meds would be worse than the potential side effects to the baby. It’s not to that point with me so as long as they are a month out of my system, I’m ready to try again. So it’s looking like, at the earliest, we could be expecting by March/April.

So there it is. Out there for the world to see. We are back on the baby train. Next stop, tying my tubes! Just kidding. After 3 c-sections, the hubs can get snipped, I’m sick of recovering.

I’m totally kidding, by the way. We don’t have a plan. I won’t make him get snipped and he won’t let them take any lady parts. But you know I’ll share as soon as something happens. 😉

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I GOTTA POOP!!!

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I got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey!

I love Austin Powers in Goldmember. The movie cracks me up, just can’t help it! And Beyonce plays Foxxy Cleopatra. Love her.

Anyway, the whole point of this post is to point out what makes me poop. As a woman, I’ve never been as “regular” as the men in my life (dad, brothers, husband…). Nature seems to call them pretty frequently and constipation isn’t in a man’s vocabulary, I swear! The hubs and I have discovered Metamucil and it works very well. Kind of like lubes up your insides. Sounds gross but it works and I can shit like a goose after drinking it. But I’m always looking for ways NOT to take the Metamucil because I can’t chug it very well (I’m also not a beer drinker) and it’s weird to me. Being able to take a deuce should be natural, right? So I thought I’d share some foods that make me poop! You can thank me after the ICK factor has worn off. I’ll wait. 🙂

First up, Kiwi!

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Oh, wrong kind of kiwi. ^This^ one won’t make you poop. Well, maybe if it scared the shit out of you. Teehee, I couldn’t resist!

This one will, though:

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Discovered this during my second pregnancy. I had a major fruit craving one day so went to the store and got a container of mixed fruit from the deli. The next day, while browsing Gordman’s, I almost shit myself. No joke. I couldn’t find the bathrooms soon enough! It wasn’t a bad “gotta poop”, it was a “need to clean out” kind of poop. Quite refreshing, actually. (You knew there would be poop stories, didn’t you?)

Next up, apples!

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In high school, I read in a running magazine that an apple a day makes you regular. A runner (also a high schooler) would eat an apple for lunch everyday and would always have to poo just before practice. I thought it was worth a shot. Lo and behold, I could consistently poo just before cross country practice!

This one isn’t news to anyone but I had to include it because it worked this morning. 🙂 “Eww, Brittany, you’re gross!” And don’t you forget it.

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I love coffee. I run faster so that I can get home and make myself a fresh pot. It probably isn’t healthy for me and I’ll have to cut back when I get pregnant again. And that leads me to my next post…

But before that, I want to mention that whoever says broccoli makes you poop is full of…well…poop. This ecard says it all.

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And check this out.

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Unicorn Poop COOKIES!

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I GOTTA POOP!!!

20120613-100749.jpg
I got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey!

I love Austin Powers in Goldmember. The movie cracks me up, just can’t help it! And Beyonce plays Foxxy Cleopatra. Love her.

Anyway, the whole point of this post is to point out what makes me poop. As a woman, I’ve never been as “regular” as the men in my life (dad, brothers, husband…). Nature seems to call them pretty frequently and constipation isn’t in a man’s vocabulary, I swear! The hubs and I have discovered Metamucil and it works very well. Kind of like lubes up your insides. Sounds gross but it works and I can shit like a goose after drinking it. But I’m always looking for ways NOT to take the Metamucil because I can’t chug it very well (I’m also not a beer drinker) and it’s weird to me. Being able to take a deuce should be natural, right? So I thought I’d share some foods that make me poop! You can thank me after the ICK factor has worn off. I’ll wait. 🙂

First up, Kiwi!

20120613-102203.jpg

Oh, wrong kind of kiwi. ^This^ one won’t make you poop. Well, maybe if it scared the shit out of you. Teehee, I couldn’t resist!

This one will, though:

20120613-102258.jpg
Discovered this during my second pregnancy. I had a major fruit craving one day so went to the store and got a container of mixed fruit from the deli. The next day, while browsing Gordman’s, I almost shit myself. No joke. I couldn’t find the bathrooms soon enough! It wasn’t a bad “gotta poop”, it was a “need to clean out” kind of poop. Quite refreshing, actually. (You knew there would be poop stories, didn’t you?)

Next up, apples!

20120613-102558.jpg
In high school, I read in a running magazine that an apple a day makes you regular. A runner (also a high schooler) would eat an apple for lunch everyday and would always have to poo just before practice. I thought it was worth a shot. Lo and behold, I could consistently poo just before cross country practice!

This one isn’t news to anyone but I had to include it because it worked this morning. 🙂 “Eww, Brittany, you’re gross!” And don’t you forget it.

20120613-102955.jpg
I love coffee. I run faster so that I can get home and make myself a fresh pot. It probably isn’t healthy for me and I’ll have to cut back when I get pregnant again. And that leads me to my next post…

But before that, I want to mention that whoever says broccoli makes you poop is full of…well…poop. This ecard says it all.

20120613-103553.jpg

Comments (5) »

Rainbows and Ladybugs

I am too excited to wait to share this dress! I still need to make the bloomers/diaper cover but I have to go back to the store for that and I’m vehicle-less today. Thank my dear husband for that. He forgot to put the carseat back in my car when he left for his golf thing this weekend. That’s a whole other can of worms…

ANYWAY, I made this dress today! It’s for my niece who turns one on July 5! I just have to share pictures of my sweet girl (who had her first haircut this week) modeling the dress for me.

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Out of My Comfort Zone

A few people that know me personally follow this blog. That alone puts me out of my comfort zone because I’m so honest about everything here. Taking it one step further, I have decided to post the before and halfway pics today. {Well, I tried to last night but my computer hates me, apparently.} I’ll take the after in a month or so. I realize that these are not amazing transformation pictures like The Biggest Loser or someone who lost half their body weight, but it’s amazing to see the work pay off a little. My thighs are slimmer, my arms are toned, my love handles are smaller, my belly is flatter…

This is more of a leap than a step out of my comfort zone. Like I said, I’m only halfway there and I’ve been majorly slacking. Which is why I’m posting them now, in hopes of getting my motivation back and keeping myself accountable. It’s so hard! But worth it. Sometimes the ones we love, our biggest supporters, are also our biggest detriments because they are our weakness. Like when the hubs wants to take Baby Bear out for ice cream after dinner and lays on the guilt trip when I don’t order anything (I heart ice cream).

…sigh…I can’t put it off forever so here is my before, taken March 3:

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“Fluffy” and gross, right?

Here is my halfway, taken May 28:

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I hope this is the jump start I need to lose the last 10-15! And I realized the other day that I have abs. Like a serious, rippled 6 pack. But it’s hidden behind the layer of loose skin and chub! That’s a sad truth. Now I know what they mean when I hear people say, “Abs are made in the kitchen.”

True that.

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The Perfect 500

Ladies and Gents, I have found my perfect breakfast! As I was recording my food for the day on MyFitnessPal, I noticed that my breakfast hit exactly 500 calories. Whether that’s a good number for you or not, it’s worth a blog post simply for hitting the even number. 🙂

So what did I have? A glass of orange juice and a breakfast burrito. Sounds kinda lame, if I do say so myself. BUT, when you add bacon to anything, it’s an instant home run. FYI, it wasn’t in the OJ.

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2 scrambled eggs
1 tbsp real bacon bits (yeah yeah, processed, dehydrated crap…but still bacon 🙂 )
A sprinkle of cheddar cheese (I said it was “1/8 cup”)
1 tbsp salsa
1 tortilla (whole wheat would have been better but I work with what I’ve got)
And top it off with an 8 oz glass of OJ

It doesn’t sound like much but it’s filling and the salsa makes it really tasty! I get bored with diet/healthy food pretty easily so anything I can add salsa to is a win in my book.

I thought I was really hungry a week or so ago and made 2 of these. HA! I got 2 bites into the second and about hurled.

Anybody else have some great standby breakfast dishes? I’m always on the hunt.

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