I got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey!

I love Austin Powers in Goldmember. The movie cracks me up, just can’t help it! And Beyonce plays Foxxy Cleopatra. Love her.

Anyway, the whole point of this post is to point out what makes me poop. As a woman, I’ve never been as “regular” as the men in my life (dad, brothers, husband…). Nature seems to call them pretty frequently and constipation isn’t in a man’s vocabulary, I swear! The hubs and I have discovered Metamucil and it works very well. Kind of like lubes up your insides. Sounds gross but it works and I can shit like a goose after drinking it. But I’m always looking for ways NOT to take the Metamucil because I can’t chug it very well (I’m also not a beer drinker) and it’s weird to me. Being able to take a deuce should be natural, right? So I thought I’d share some foods that make me poop! You can thank me after the ICK factor has worn off. I’ll wait. 🙂

First up, Kiwi!


Oh, wrong kind of kiwi. ^This^ one won’t make you poop. Well, maybe if it scared the shit out of you. Teehee, I couldn’t resist!

This one will, though:

Discovered this during my second pregnancy. I had a major fruit craving one day so went to the store and got a container of mixed fruit from the deli. The next day, while browsing Gordman’s, I almost shit myself. No joke. I couldn’t find the bathrooms soon enough! It wasn’t a bad “gotta poop”, it was a “need to clean out” kind of poop. Quite refreshing, actually. (You knew there would be poop stories, didn’t you?)

Next up, apples!

In high school, I read in a running magazine that an apple a day makes you regular. A runner (also a high schooler) would eat an apple for lunch everyday and would always have to poo just before practice. I thought it was worth a shot. Lo and behold, I could consistently poo just before cross country practice!

This one isn’t news to anyone but I had to include it because it worked this morning. 🙂 “Eww, Brittany, you’re gross!” And don’t you forget it.

I love coffee. I run faster so that I can get home and make myself a fresh pot. It probably isn’t healthy for me and I’ll have to cut back when I get pregnant again. And that leads me to my next post…

But before that, I want to mention that whoever says broccoli makes you poop is full of…well…poop. This ecard says it all.



5 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Cynthia said,

    As you know, I cannot resist a good poop story! Way to poop girlfriend! I don’t know what is going on with my insides but I still cannot stop clogging 9 out of 10 toilets I use!

  2. 4

    Caitlin said,

    First of all, you know you’re a mother when you can talk so freely about poop. Secondly, you know you’re awesome when you can talk about poop so freely. So, that makes you an awesome mother. 🙂

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