Archive for July, 2012

Giving Thanks Isn’t Just For Thanksgiving

I feel like, every few months, it’s important to take a step back and really appreciate all the blessings in my life.  Smell the roses, if you will.  I kind of like my numbering/bullet method that I used for my last post so I’ll go with it.
I’m thankful:

~…to spend each and every day with one of the little loves of my life.  Sometimes it’s overwhelming and I just want to get away for some “me” time, but ultimately, it’s only so that I can appreciate her more intensely.  I’m constantly amazed by her.  ***Kid brag ahead***  She knows where her nose is, knows “what a puppy says” (omg, her little “woof” is uh-dor-able), knows who daddy is, tells Copper “NO!” when he scratches the back door, tells Foxxy “GO!” when she gets all up in my business while we are eating at the table, gives hugs and kisses when asked, “winks” her eyes (yes, both of them…at the same time…), blows kisses….I could seriously go on for days.  She just blows my mind and brings sunshine to my cloudy heart!  Ok, puke.  That was very “rainbows and puppies”…I apologize for the unicorn poop.

~…for my friends who turned into family when they walked with me through the worst time in my life.  And continued to walk with me while I struggled through finding happiness (even if it is tainted) again.  I wish I could name them all, but the list is endless.

~…that we get pregnant as easily as we do.  Getting through a pregnancy with a healthy, take-home baby isn’t so easy, but we have gotten all the chances we wanted (up to this point).  I know so.many.couples who try for years, through fertility treatments, living in 2 week cycles, appointment after appointment with specialists and still lose the baby.  We’re blessed in that we only have half the struggle.

~…that I’ve been able to make such good friends in the year that we’ve been in this town.  The first three months were really hard.  I didn’t know a single person.  I was home alone all day with a 3-6 month old.  Once I met some other moms, it was like I discovered this whole other community, including another babyloss mom who also carried to term (knowing her baby wasn’t going to survive after birth).  It was harder than I thought it would be to meet people since I wasn’t working.

~…that my family actually wants to see me.  My mom lives 4 hours north of us and are going to a wedding this weekend that happens to be about 1.5 hours west of us.  My mom was going to drive here, then drive home, so she could see us for a bit since they’d be so close.  That would be at least 2 hours out of the way, not to mention the 4 more from here.  My mom and I aren’t what I’d call “close” but at least she makes an effort and as much as she drives me crazy sometimes (I’m sure the feeling is mutual), I appreciate that she even wants to see us.  My dad comes down every chance he gets.  Even if he drives down just to hang out for a few hours and take us out to dinner then turn right around and go home.  Without going into detail, I’ve been made painfully aware lately how little some people care about their adult children and their families.  It makes me sad, it isn’t right, and it opens my eyes to how blessed I am to have parents who WANT to be in my life and I’m so thankful for them.

~…for a husband who works so hard for his family.  He doesn’t “go to the bar with the guys for a drink” after work, he doesn’t spend his entire weekends golfing, he doesn’t hit me, he isn’t verbally abusive, he tells me how good the dinner that I made was (why is that so important to us???), he tells me I “look nice” or, my favorite, “really pretty”, he gasses up my car for me on the weekends (I hate getting gas with Keira in the car, for some reason).  He may have stopped taking out the trash (for the last SIX MONTHS), he may leave his pants/socks/boots on the floor (nearly EVERY day), he may clutter the garage during the summer so I can’t fit my car in it and he also may be unsupportive of my quest to “be skinny”, but damnit, he’s a good man and I’m farther from perfect than he is.  Well, maybe we are equal distance from perfect. 😉
Wherever life takes me from here, I want to remember that, right here in this moment, I DO appreciate all the good in my life.  I will savor this moment because I’ll never get it back.  Now I’m gonna go eat a cookie.  Yeah, you’re jealous.

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Confessions

These are my confessions…

[I was going to put a picture of Usher here, but they were all stupid pictures…sad face…]

 

1)  My last post was on June 13.  That’s 47 days ago.  There’s been so much happening since then.
2)  Thursday, June 14, Keira had an allergic reaction (at the time, we thought to peanut butter, but we’re now thinking it was wasp spray) and I had to take her to the ER.  Swollen eye, sneezing, runny nose and eventually hives.  I was a blubbering mess while I had to hold her down so they could stab her with needles.  Benadryl makes her crash.  HARD.  She has an appointment with a pediatric allergist in September.
3)  After the episode, the hubs mentioned all of us switching over to a more “whole food” kind of diet (!!!).  I have yet to see any change, though.
4)  She started walking the very next day!!!  A week shy of 15 months and my baby turned into a toddler.  The word amazing doesn’t even begin to describe that feeling.
5)  We went to Colorado to see our families for about a week at the end of June/beginning of July and Keira was an absolute terror on the plane rides.  I think flights #5 and #6 of her little 15 month old life were just out of her tolerable zone.  We’re not flying again for a LONG time.
6)  I’ve been eating like absolute crap and I’m so sick of it.  Been trying to convince the hubs to get on board and he finally told me why he resists so much.  I’m an all-or-nothing kind of person.  Do it and do it well.  He is a slow change kind of guy.  It doesn’t mesh well when the all-or-nothing tries to make the gradual-change go her way.  Point taken.  Still haven’t produced a remedy to the situation.
7)  I got up at 5am, per hubby’s request, so that we get some adult alone time (without that God-damned tv) and so I have some time to myself before putting on my mommy hat.  It’s currently 6:23 and I have to say, it’s nice to get out of bed and know that I’m just getting up so I can relax with my coffee and my thoughts instead of getting up because Baby Bear is awake.  I’ll be ready for bed by noon, I think, but I’ll give it a week.
8)  We finally got internet back at our house!!!!  Most of my posts up to this point have been from my phone which is why I avoid it and don’t post as much as I’d like to.  I’m a fast typer and it’s painful to type on a phone.  I forget what I wanted to say by the time the words catch up to my brain.  On the other hand, I sit and stare at the computer screen a lot when blogging from it.  Can’t have your cake and eat it too, I suppose.
9)  In the near future, I’ll probably be posting lots of pictures of dresses from my little Sew KuTe business because I have been BUSY lately.
10)  Still running and really look forward to it on Monday/Wednesday/Friday!

I think 10 things pretty much sum up life, as of late.  I’ll try to update more and I really want to get to a point where this blog inspires me to be a better person and dig deep to find out what I want.  Another blogger (Martha…what what!) has inspired me.  She is a business owner, fit chick and generally a bad-ass.  One of the busiest women “I know” and she is going back to school.  Some of the things that have always been of interest to me, and seemingly just out of my reach for YEARS, are bodybuilding/fitness (think Jamie Eason…man, she is amazing), finance and entrepreneurship.  Do all of these things go together?  Possibly.  Do I want them to?  I don’t know.  I do know that they have all felt so close, yet just too far, for a long time and I don’t want to be 50 years old and regret not doing things for myself during my best years.  I started this whole raising-a-family-and-being-a-mommy thing when I was 22 years old back in 2009.  I won’t say I’ve “wasted” the last 4 years, but looking back, those years were filled with a lot of heartache, tears, exhaustion and not a whole lot to show for it.  I’ve spent “the best years of my life” grieving, feeling sorry for myself and working through some major shit.  I want something for myself that I can control.  That can’t be taken from me.  If I lose everything else in my life, something that will always be with me.  Honestly, that’s education.  Hell, you could even take the diploma, but you can’t take the experience and knowledge.  I want Keira to grow up with confidence, knowing that she can be and do anything she wants to with hard work and dedication.  And to be a [mature and responsible] opportunist.

Ok, enough babbling.  I need to go make the bed and get my Baby Bear out of bed.  Have a great day everyone!

 

Oh, and PS, I got 2 lines about a week ago.  We are not telling anyone (I haven’t told my best friends or my family!) so if you know me personally, I expect you to keep it to yourself, as well.  No husband, no kids, no parents, don’t even tell your dog.  It’s different this time.  We are happy, but we don’t even talk about it.  I have another few weeks until my first ultrasound so we are kind of holding our breath until then.

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