Archive for Exercise

I’m really starting to hate wordpress

I had this super long post all typed out and went to add a picture and it deleted all my text. I’m so over blogging from my computer. GGGAHHHHHHHHHH!!! No joke, 40 minutes of my life…wasted.

Basically, I stopped running 3x per week, am now walking 5x per week per hubby’s request. I’m fine with it. A few weeks earlier than I’d planned, but it works.

Had my first appointment and ultrasound yesterday, baby is measuring right on track at 8w1d giving me an estimated due date of March 31. If we get 9 month, this baby will be born within days of Keira’s birthday. I’m still feeling nauseous and so happy about it.

GRRRRRRRRRRRR I’m so irritated at WordPress right now I could spit. Or smash my computer, which is what I’d really like to do.


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These are my confessions…

[I was going to put a picture of Usher here, but they were all stupid pictures…sad face…]


1)  My last post was on June 13.  That’s 47 days ago.  There’s been so much happening since then.
2)  Thursday, June 14, Keira had an allergic reaction (at the time, we thought to peanut butter, but we’re now thinking it was wasp spray) and I had to take her to the ER.  Swollen eye, sneezing, runny nose and eventually hives.  I was a blubbering mess while I had to hold her down so they could stab her with needles.  Benadryl makes her crash.  HARD.  She has an appointment with a pediatric allergist in September.
3)  After the episode, the hubs mentioned all of us switching over to a more “whole food” kind of diet (!!!).  I have yet to see any change, though.
4)  She started walking the very next day!!!  A week shy of 15 months and my baby turned into a toddler.  The word amazing doesn’t even begin to describe that feeling.
5)  We went to Colorado to see our families for about a week at the end of June/beginning of July and Keira was an absolute terror on the plane rides.  I think flights #5 and #6 of her little 15 month old life were just out of her tolerable zone.  We’re not flying again for a LONG time.
6)  I’ve been eating like absolute crap and I’m so sick of it.  Been trying to convince the hubs to get on board and he finally told me why he resists so much.  I’m an all-or-nothing kind of person.  Do it and do it well.  He is a slow change kind of guy.  It doesn’t mesh well when the all-or-nothing tries to make the gradual-change go her way.  Point taken.  Still haven’t produced a remedy to the situation.
7)  I got up at 5am, per hubby’s request, so that we get some adult alone time (without that God-damned tv) and so I have some time to myself before putting on my mommy hat.  It’s currently 6:23 and I have to say, it’s nice to get out of bed and know that I’m just getting up so I can relax with my coffee and my thoughts instead of getting up because Baby Bear is awake.  I’ll be ready for bed by noon, I think, but I’ll give it a week.
8)  We finally got internet back at our house!!!!  Most of my posts up to this point have been from my phone which is why I avoid it and don’t post as much as I’d like to.  I’m a fast typer and it’s painful to type on a phone.  I forget what I wanted to say by the time the words catch up to my brain.  On the other hand, I sit and stare at the computer screen a lot when blogging from it.  Can’t have your cake and eat it too, I suppose.
9)  In the near future, I’ll probably be posting lots of pictures of dresses from my little Sew KuTe business because I have been BUSY lately.
10)  Still running and really look forward to it on Monday/Wednesday/Friday!

I think 10 things pretty much sum up life, as of late.  I’ll try to update more and I really want to get to a point where this blog inspires me to be a better person and dig deep to find out what I want.  Another blogger (Martha…what what!) has inspired me.  She is a business owner, fit chick and generally a bad-ass.  One of the busiest women “I know” and she is going back to school.  Some of the things that have always been of interest to me, and seemingly just out of my reach for YEARS, are bodybuilding/fitness (think Jamie Eason…man, she is amazing), finance and entrepreneurship.  Do all of these things go together?  Possibly.  Do I want them to?  I don’t know.  I do know that they have all felt so close, yet just too far, for a long time and I don’t want to be 50 years old and regret not doing things for myself during my best years.  I started this whole raising-a-family-and-being-a-mommy thing when I was 22 years old back in 2009.  I won’t say I’ve “wasted” the last 4 years, but looking back, those years were filled with a lot of heartache, tears, exhaustion and not a whole lot to show for it.  I’ve spent “the best years of my life” grieving, feeling sorry for myself and working through some major shit.  I want something for myself that I can control.  That can’t be taken from me.  If I lose everything else in my life, something that will always be with me.  Honestly, that’s education.  Hell, you could even take the diploma, but you can’t take the experience and knowledge.  I want Keira to grow up with confidence, knowing that she can be and do anything she wants to with hard work and dedication.  And to be a [mature and responsible] opportunist.

Ok, enough babbling.  I need to go make the bed and get my Baby Bear out of bed.  Have a great day everyone!


Oh, and PS, I got 2 lines about a week ago.  We are not telling anyone (I haven’t told my best friends or my family!) so if you know me personally, I expect you to keep it to yourself, as well.  No husband, no kids, no parents, don’t even tell your dog.  It’s different this time.  We are happy, but we don’t even talk about it.  I have another few weeks until my first ultrasound so we are kind of holding our breath until then.

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Where I Am – 6.13.12

Since I started this blog to keep track of all the crazy things going on in my head, I think it’s past time to update about where I am post-infant-loss, post-miscarriage, post-prescribed-meds. The miscarriage has brought up a lot of doubt in myself that I had successfully hidden overcome in the last 3 years. Had the miscarriage been my first loss, I believe it would have had a different impact. Because I carried to term a child I knew would not live long after birth, IF born alive, this seemed pale in comparison. Loss shouldn’t be compared. I’ll be the first to preach that. But they are both MINE so I do what I want! A person shouldn’t compare others’ loss. If someone dismissed my miscarriage because losing my son was so different, I’d be pissed. Just as if someone dismissed my full term loss because a) I knew he wouldn’t be coming home from the hospital with me or b) he was “just” a baby. Losing my child was devastating, but losing a pregnancy came with it’s own set of burdens. I am much more angry than I’m comfortable with. Running has helped tremendously. When I want to beat the hell out of someone, I know my run is not far away. It keeps me even. Emotionally level. I started running at the beginning of February and have been hitting the pavement (or the treadmill belt…gag) at least 3x per week since. Some days, I can’t wait to get K fed and dressed so I can get to it. Other days, like Monday, I put it off until NOON! I like…no…I LOOOOOVE my daily shower. It’s the time that I get alone (no dogs, no husband, no baby, no phone) and I don’t miss it for anything. I reward myself with a shower after my run. I am not allowed to take that shower until after my run on Mon/Wed/Fri. There have been a few exceptions, like if I want to wait until the hubs gets home so that I can run outside alone. Otherwise, I’m a slave-driver…er…to myself. Having my Dr. put me on an anti-depressant (for anxiety) helped my level of motivation, which had previously been at about a 1. And that came from preventing the “what did you do all day” looks from the hubs when he got home from work. Not that he ever said that, but I would totally be thinking it if I were him. Our relationship just runs smoother, like it used to, when I’m on this stuff. But then I talked to my Dr. about having more kids. We want one more living child. That’s it. I don’t want to be pregnant anymore than he wants to put up with my crazy, neurotic, pregnant self. But we have the same main goal in mind and that is two living children. In 10 years, I see two kids. Do I ever think I’ll want to be pregnant again or have a newborn? Not a chance. I can honestly say that it was awful. I was stressed to the MAX and, some days, am surprised our marriage survived it. At the end of the day, each of us are too stubborn to give up. We have made it 8 years (together, married for 6.5), through the loss of a child, raising a baby alone (he had started the new job, working long hours, etc) and a miscarriage. It’s been a journey! But we’ve had some pretty amazing ups to counter the downs. We are in this together and we’ll do what it takes to get what we want. Even if it means turning our lives upside down again.

We have decided to try [again] for another baby. I stopped taking the crazy pills last week and have been taking prenatal vitamins for about 2 months. My OB wants me on NOTHING while pregnant. She says there is no “safe” medication for pregnancy, there are just some that aren’t as bad as others. Basically, the depression or anxiety has to be so bad, that being off the meds would be worse than the potential side effects to the baby. It’s not to that point with me so as long as they are a month out of my system, I’m ready to try again. So it’s looking like, at the earliest, we could be expecting by March/April.

So there it is. Out there for the world to see. We are back on the baby train. Next stop, tying my tubes! Just kidding. After 3 c-sections, the hubs can get snipped, I’m sick of recovering.

I’m totally kidding, by the way. We don’t have a plan. I won’t make him get snipped and he won’t let them take any lady parts. But you know I’ll share as soon as something happens. 😉

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Out of My Comfort Zone

A few people that know me personally follow this blog. That alone puts me out of my comfort zone because I’m so honest about everything here. Taking it one step further, I have decided to post the before and halfway pics today. {Well, I tried to last night but my computer hates me, apparently.} I’ll take the after in a month or so. I realize that these are not amazing transformation pictures like The Biggest Loser or someone who lost half their body weight, but it’s amazing to see the work pay off a little. My thighs are slimmer, my arms are toned, my love handles are smaller, my belly is flatter…

This is more of a leap than a step out of my comfort zone. Like I said, I’m only halfway there and I’ve been majorly slacking. Which is why I’m posting them now, in hopes of getting my motivation back and keeping myself accountable. It’s so hard! But worth it. Sometimes the ones we love, our biggest supporters, are also our biggest detriments because they are our weakness. Like when the hubs wants to take Baby Bear out for ice cream after dinner and lays on the guilt trip when I don’t order anything (I heart ice cream).

…sigh…I can’t put it off forever so here is my before, taken March 3:


“Fluffy” and gross, right?

Here is my halfway, taken May 28:


I hope this is the jump start I need to lose the last 10-15! And I realized the other day that I have abs. Like a serious, rippled 6 pack. But it’s hidden behind the layer of loose skin and chub! That’s a sad truth. Now I know what they mean when I hear people say, “Abs are made in the kitchen.”

True that.

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This and That

First, I’d like to show off my new baby, “Grace” (she came this way…I would have chosen a stripper spunky name like “Lola” or “Roxie”)! She is my Mother’s Day/birthday {ahem, June 2, ahem} present.

Ain’t she a beaut!

And my first project, basically to test her out:

Don’t judge my messy basement…

I had to try out the new machine on something I didn’t mind messing up or looking sloppy…so ^there^ it is. I wasn’t about to “play” on a paying customer’s order.

I’ve been slacking slightly in the running/eating healthy department. I’m actually SUCKING at it lately. I only had two workouts last week and I’ve been eating like a cow…if cows ate junk food out of bags and boxes 😦 I love having a large pantry but I need to refrain from filling it up and work on filling up that beautiful, stainless steel, double door refrigerator that I always dreamed about but never thought I’d get… I have all the tools, I just need a kick in the ass. I got the workout kick late last week in the form of a Pinterest quote:


HELLS to the freaking YES, my friend! You should see me before and after a workout…it is not cute. Well, the before is…tight top, shorts at the perfect place on my hips, hair pulled tight and smooth. After? If I’m still wearing the top, it’s all stretched out and soaked, the shorts are halfway to my boobs, giving me a wedgie from hell and my hair looks like I sat in a steamy bathroom for an hour.

Speaking of before and after photos…I finally took some after shots yesterday and I was shocked at how flabby I was earlier this year. I still have a ways to go, but it was nice to see the hard work pay off a bit! Maybe I’ll get brave and post them in the next week or so…

And a little food porn…

I’m a sucker for crescent rolls!

That is ribeye, sirloin, New York strip and filet mignon steaks. We kind of had a steak buffet the other night. Yeah, it was even more awesome than you’re imaging right now. Smashed red potatoes, balsamic green beans and mushrooms…amazingness!

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Winding Down

Tomorrow will be exactly one week since my baby girl’s first birthday party. I can’t believe I just celebrated a first birthday the way it should be. I’m still on a high from all the excitement! A post dedicated to her birthday is coming soon, I need to do that one from my computer so I can add all the photos. I’m so proud of that party and so glad I took the time on all the details. Now it’s time to wind down.

I’m in week five of Couch to 5k (C25K) and, naturally, a running day fell on Miss K’s birthday party day. I’m running every other day instead of

3x per week, as the program is laid out, because I had a bit of a time crunch. So I decided to skip that day altogether (no guilt since the program is designed to have two rest days in a row anyway) and start back up on Sunday. It was BEAUTIFUL out that day, so I decided to run outside with the jogging stroller. Three things wrong with this picture: 1) I am accustomed to running in a cool basement on a treadmill, NOT in the hot sun on pavement. BIG difference. 2) I run alone on my treadmill and have full use of both arms so when I get tired, I can pump them to get me through. A stroller does not allow arm pumping! 3) I didn’t have any sunscreen for the baby legs poking out from under the sun shade of the stroller. 😦 So all in all, the beautiful-day-to-run-outside run, was a huge embarrassing failure. Not to mention, I completely threw out my diet common sense the day before because, well, I made all those sweet treats and I was going to enjoy them, dammit! I wish I could have just gotten up early Saturday and got my workout in before the baby even woke up for the day. But we had house guests and my heavy feet, 15 feet from our guest room, would have definitely woken them up.

Ah well, no use crying over crappy workouts. I picked back up on Tuesday (I won’t even get started on why I didn’t run on Monday) and will finish out week 5 tomorrow! I’m kind of nervous, to be honest. 5 minute warmup walk, 20 minute run, 5 minute cool down. I hate to turn the speed down on the “run” but I think my legs might just fall off if I don’t. It feels good to “train”, though. Knowing I’m running a 5K on April 14 really keeps me accountable. After that, I plan to continue running every other day (EOD) but also incorporate some P90X workouts on the rest days. I guess the run days would be more like rest days, compared to P90X!

I was inspired to take before and after pictures by another blogger so I can’t wait to show off my hard work this summer! No, I will not post my “before” until I’m in “after” territory. If I wanted everyone to know how fat I was, I would wear skimpy clothing… It’s bad enough I wear shorts-puke.

Anyone else in Spring Cleaning mode??? I just cleaned all my windows this afternoon and it feels GREAT! I still need to wash the outside of most of them, but getting the inside and the sills clean feels really good. After vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, cleaning windows and main floor bathrooms, I’m exhausted but feel refreshed. (How’s that for an oxymoron?) Might just tackle the closets next! And I should add… I saw these packages of 18 washcloths from Walmart. They were super cheap and you could tell from looking at them that they would be scratchy. A lightbulb went off and I thought, “I use A LOT of paper products when I clean bathrooms, kitchen, floors, windows, etc. What if I just use these washcloths then throw them in the wash together with some bleach!?” I am a genius {if only in my own mind} folks! I used close to half of them between the windows, bathrooms and mirrors today. They are currently in the wash, waiting for the rest of their buddies when I get done with Miss K’s windows (she is napping). I am so proud of myself! This will save us so much money on paper towels alone! And as soon as I find an alternative to wet Swiffer pads, I won’t be buying those anymore either. Washcloths fit right onto a Swiffer sweeper. 🙂

Little Miss is awake! Thanks for reading!

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