Archive for Baby Bump

Is It March Yet?

HI!!!  I’m alive!  A little worse for the wear, but I’m alive!  And as an answer to my prayers, so is the baby in my belly!  We are 18 weeks 3 days now and I had my anatomy scan (GASP) on Monday…showing a perfectly HEALTHY little girl!!  Did I mention HEALTHY?  HEALTHY HEALTHY HEALTHY!!!  Oh and she had 3 little white lines between her legs…hehe.  I’m over the freaking moon!  (Gee, can you tell with the 500 exclamation points I’ve used already?)  I’m not going to dig deep for this one because I already did on Tyler’s site, but I just wanted to pop in and show some love to the bloggers I follow.  It seems like a couple of them have been on a small blogging hiatus, as well.  One, due to finding her peace and happy place again (why is it so hard to lose sight of that?) and the other because I think she was moving!  She always posts pictures of her food and I absolutely love looking at other peoples food…don’t judge me.  Speaking of food, I’ve been eating like a cow lately but gaining in a healthy way for pregnancy, so I won’t complain.  I think I’m up a total of 5 lbs since the beginning, which is probably good since I started below “normal” (for me).

Anyway, quick update from the last time I posted (which was back in like 1999…or 3 weeks ago…):

~  I haven’t started walking yet…lame, I know.  I’m totally in that “I have so much to do that I’m overwhelmed by it all so I’ll just sit here and do none of it” mode and I’m slowly working my way out of it.  Slowly.  Turns out, a lot of anxiety was alleviated by the anatomy scan, though.  Win/Win!
~  We are out of “miscarriage” territory…but have entered “stillborn” territory.  Lose/Lose, eh?
~  Feeling the baby move more regularly has been one of the best things for my heart (and mind).  I can’t wait for the husby to feel her kicking.
~  By the way, her name is Kimber Elise.  Kimber after my grandpa-in-law’s (hubs’ paternal grandpa) only daughter, Kimberly, who was stillborn at full term.  We know that pain of losing a baby and we don’t want her memory to fade.  Luckily, we also love the name Kimber.  It was kind of an unspoken agreement when Hubs asked about naming a girl that.  His grandpa means a lot to us and has been there for my husband through a lot.  We have a special, although sucky, bond with him now that we’ve lost a baby, too.  He was the only one in either of our families who really understood what we were going through.  Makes me tear up to think about.
~  Even though I’m determined to ENJOY this pregnancy, since it will hopefully be my last, I just can’t wait for March when she is here, safe and healthy.  I’m very excited for my KB to have a little sister.  Even though her big brother isn’t here on earth to protect her, I believe he has her back from above.
~  There’s a bucket of Halloween candy sitting in front of me and the skittles are whispering sweet nothings my way.  Bastards.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

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Relief

Appointment went great! We couldn’t get an exact heart rate because baby was so squirmy (that’s a good thing!) but we did get to hear it for a few seconds, which is reassuring. I was worried that my dr. wouldn’t let me do the anatomy scan (the one where we found out about Tyler’s condition) as soon as I am able to but she was awesome about it. She said that it didn’t matter to her (she isn’t the one doing the scan, it will be an ultrasound tech). So I will get the scan at 18 weeks 1 day which is only 3 weeks away! Luckily, since my dr. doesn’t even have to be there, I can get it done the day before hubby’s birthday. My brain is getting all jumbled…I’m so relieved and happy. This is so freaking stressful! I know it all comes down to control. I had so much control before getting pregnant. Before Tyler’s diagnosis. Control is such an illusion and damnit, I KNOW that but running and losing weight gave me that false sense of control all over again. I haven’t been exercising regularly and I known it’s a problem, I can feel it. I need to start walking regularly again. I need that exercise to fight off the negativity, the anxiety, doubt, anger, fear. I’ve been missing it.

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The Moment of Truth

Ok I just need to unload a little. Tomorrow is another prenatal appointment and, like usual, I’m starting to freak a little. I’m showing, I felt the baby move for the first time last week…shit’s getting real and that means that if something bad happens, it won’t be easy. Not that any baby loss is easy but miscarrying was a hell of a lot easier to move on from than losing Tyler was. I’m only 15 weeks but if I started to miscarry, oh well. Dr.’s won’t do anything to stop it until the baby is viable. Which isn’t for another 9 weeks. If there is no heartbeat tomorrow, I will eventually go into labor and give birth to a baby (it’s about the size of a lemon right now). I “passed tissue” last time. Ugh.

I hate being so nervous.

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Prevention of Human Extinction

It’s amazing what you forget about pregnancy once it’s a memory. It must be God’s way of ensuring procreation. The pure exhaustion and worthless feeling it brings. Or is that the lazing on the couch for hours? Either way…

The irritability. My feathers get ruffled about EVERYTHING. It’s annoying.

The cravings that are more like addiction. You don’t care what it takes, you NEED chocolate milk at 11pm on Tuesday night or you’re just going to die. Friday night, it was a grilled chicken sandwich from Subway (with mayo which I NEVER order) and a soft pretzel with those big chunks of course salt and cheese. Guess when that craving struck? 10:02 pm. 2 minutes after all 5 Subway restaurants in my town closed. So I went to Arby’s instead. Let me tell you, Arby’s is the devil when you want a fresh-ish sandwich! I ended up with a “market-fresh” turkey and Swiss that had so much mayo and spicy mustard that I couldn’t even eat half of it. Then I overcompensated for not getting the pretzel by ordering curly fries AND mozz sticks. It was a bad night filled with empty promises and disappointment. Lucky for me, the next day, my dear hubby brought me everything I needed. No joke, it was like the world stopped while I waited for this sandwich and pretzel. I HAD to have it. I won’t divulge how much chocolate milk powder I’ve gone through in the last week, too…

And that flat morning stomach hit the road a few days ago. I started to feel puffy with Keira around 10-12 weeks. That puffy feeling started around week 8 this time. Thank God fall/winter is coming and it will be totally acceptable (and stylish) to wear baggier clothes. I’d rather look a little frumpy than like the Michelin man.

The nausea. I was just telling a friend tonight-things don’t smell stronger per se, but generally “gross” smells make me gag. Obviously, changing a diaper never smells good (even just #1), but i have to breathe through my mouth when I do it now.

Last but certainly not least, the general lack of give-a-damn. We just moved into this house in May of last year but it has never been so filthy. I haven’t mopped in over a week. The laundry room floor has a layer of lint/dust over it. I haven’t vacuumed in days (we have two shedding dogs, it NEEDS vacuumed daily). Keira has taken to throwing things down the stairs through the banister and I just wear different shoes to keep from going down to get the thrown ones. I like to make sure the washer and dryer are empty when I go to bed…the dryer has a load of towels in it right now. And I don’t even care.

And I’m not going to proof read before posting this so I hope you had fun deciphering what I can only assume is a jumbled mess.

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But damn I’m glad to feel like shit because if my body isn’t taking care of me, it’s taking care of this baby!

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I’m really starting to hate wordpress

I had this super long post all typed out and went to add a picture and it deleted all my text. I’m so over blogging from my computer. GGGAHHHHHHHHHH!!! No joke, 40 minutes of my life…wasted.

Basically, I stopped running 3x per week, am now walking 5x per week per hubby’s request. I’m fine with it. A few weeks earlier than I’d planned, but it works.

Had my first appointment and ultrasound yesterday, baby is measuring right on track at 8w1d giving me an estimated due date of March 31. If we get 9 month, this baby will be born within days of Keira’s birthday. I’m still feeling nauseous and so happy about it.

GRRRRRRRRRRRR I’m so irritated at WordPress right now I could spit. Or smash my computer, which is what I’d really like to do.

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High Hopes

I know I’m only 6 weeks pregnant, but I’m starting to feel good about this one. I have started feeling very slight fatigue and nausea (mostly in the evenings, just like with Tyler). Last week, I contributed it to waking up early with the hubs but it continued all weekend and I actually got sick Saturday night! Ironically similar to the one time I got sick when preggo with Tyler, I had been in the heat/sun all day, ate tons of bad food, and topped it off with a funnel cake and lemon shakeup from the fair (don’t you judge me!). I have to say, after I got the taste out of my mouth, I’ve never been so happy to ralph. Since this all parallels my pregnancy with Tyler, I’m going to guess that this baby is a boy. I’m pretty convinced that the m/c was a girl. I had thought boy for awhile but I’m not so sure now.

So anyway, I’m starting to feel really good about this! It’s so early and I’m sure my feelings will change as my first ultrasounds gets closer. I’m still running 3x per week so that’s helping to feel good. And Little Miss keeps me on my toes.

So I debated posting this picture but I have to say, it’s kind of ironic that I took it the week I found out I was preggo. I was totally flexing so don’t think I walk around looking like this. It’s more a pic of what I would like to look like all the time. If I end up with a baby in 8 months, I’ll have to remind him that his mom looked good…once…a long time ago 😉

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Confessions

These are my confessions…

[I was going to put a picture of Usher here, but they were all stupid pictures…sad face…]

 

1)  My last post was on June 13.  That’s 47 days ago.  There’s been so much happening since then.
2)  Thursday, June 14, Keira had an allergic reaction (at the time, we thought to peanut butter, but we’re now thinking it was wasp spray) and I had to take her to the ER.  Swollen eye, sneezing, runny nose and eventually hives.  I was a blubbering mess while I had to hold her down so they could stab her with needles.  Benadryl makes her crash.  HARD.  She has an appointment with a pediatric allergist in September.
3)  After the episode, the hubs mentioned all of us switching over to a more “whole food” kind of diet (!!!).  I have yet to see any change, though.
4)  She started walking the very next day!!!  A week shy of 15 months and my baby turned into a toddler.  The word amazing doesn’t even begin to describe that feeling.
5)  We went to Colorado to see our families for about a week at the end of June/beginning of July and Keira was an absolute terror on the plane rides.  I think flights #5 and #6 of her little 15 month old life were just out of her tolerable zone.  We’re not flying again for a LONG time.
6)  I’ve been eating like absolute crap and I’m so sick of it.  Been trying to convince the hubs to get on board and he finally told me why he resists so much.  I’m an all-or-nothing kind of person.  Do it and do it well.  He is a slow change kind of guy.  It doesn’t mesh well when the all-or-nothing tries to make the gradual-change go her way.  Point taken.  Still haven’t produced a remedy to the situation.
7)  I got up at 5am, per hubby’s request, so that we get some adult alone time (without that God-damned tv) and so I have some time to myself before putting on my mommy hat.  It’s currently 6:23 and I have to say, it’s nice to get out of bed and know that I’m just getting up so I can relax with my coffee and my thoughts instead of getting up because Baby Bear is awake.  I’ll be ready for bed by noon, I think, but I’ll give it a week.
8)  We finally got internet back at our house!!!!  Most of my posts up to this point have been from my phone which is why I avoid it and don’t post as much as I’d like to.  I’m a fast typer and it’s painful to type on a phone.  I forget what I wanted to say by the time the words catch up to my brain.  On the other hand, I sit and stare at the computer screen a lot when blogging from it.  Can’t have your cake and eat it too, I suppose.
9)  In the near future, I’ll probably be posting lots of pictures of dresses from my little Sew KuTe business because I have been BUSY lately.
10)  Still running and really look forward to it on Monday/Wednesday/Friday!

I think 10 things pretty much sum up life, as of late.  I’ll try to update more and I really want to get to a point where this blog inspires me to be a better person and dig deep to find out what I want.  Another blogger (Martha…what what!) has inspired me.  She is a business owner, fit chick and generally a bad-ass.  One of the busiest women “I know” and she is going back to school.  Some of the things that have always been of interest to me, and seemingly just out of my reach for YEARS, are bodybuilding/fitness (think Jamie Eason…man, she is amazing), finance and entrepreneurship.  Do all of these things go together?  Possibly.  Do I want them to?  I don’t know.  I do know that they have all felt so close, yet just too far, for a long time and I don’t want to be 50 years old and regret not doing things for myself during my best years.  I started this whole raising-a-family-and-being-a-mommy thing when I was 22 years old back in 2009.  I won’t say I’ve “wasted” the last 4 years, but looking back, those years were filled with a lot of heartache, tears, exhaustion and not a whole lot to show for it.  I’ve spent “the best years of my life” grieving, feeling sorry for myself and working through some major shit.  I want something for myself that I can control.  That can’t be taken from me.  If I lose everything else in my life, something that will always be with me.  Honestly, that’s education.  Hell, you could even take the diploma, but you can’t take the experience and knowledge.  I want Keira to grow up with confidence, knowing that she can be and do anything she wants to with hard work and dedication.  And to be a [mature and responsible] opportunist.

Ok, enough babbling.  I need to go make the bed and get my Baby Bear out of bed.  Have a great day everyone!

 

Oh, and PS, I got 2 lines about a week ago.  We are not telling anyone (I haven’t told my best friends or my family!) so if you know me personally, I expect you to keep it to yourself, as well.  No husband, no kids, no parents, don’t even tell your dog.  It’s different this time.  We are happy, but we don’t even talk about it.  I have another few weeks until my first ultrasound so we are kind of holding our breath until then.

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